Well mes chéries, it’s been a while since I sat down and chatted with you in the personal blog section. I feel like there has been so much going on in my life that it’s time to address how I’ve been doing. Since my last Panorama posts around May, a lot has changed. For starters, I did a small Asia tour trip (which you saw in my Tour D’Origine posts), relaunched this blog, moved into my New York apartment, and started my new job! But that’s just the general summary.
Lately, I haven’t been myself with my friends, at work, or on my blog. I’m feeling constant pressure and stress which has caused me to do out-of-character things. To explain what I mean, I’ll share a tidbit of my past 12 days: I accidentally got into a huge physical fight with one of my best friends, neglected spending time with another best friend, and was not present enough to help my Big during a really rough time. I’ve been colder, meaner, and sometimes even accidentally condescending to the people I love and care about. So a few nights ago, I broke down, sobbing as I curled up into a ball. I wondered how I could feel so comfortable and in touch with myself yet so lost as to who I have become. I’ve never been the aggressive type, blow off my friends, or not step in and support someone in need. Yet I’ve made such poor decisions since I moved here. I couldn’t help but think WTF what is happening?
The New York pace and lifestyle is quite exhausting and suffocating. When the atmosphere you live in is so fast-paced, no matter how relaxed you are, this type of energy will suck the air out of you at some point. Moving to a big international city is a huge dream for many people in the world. So when you actually accomplish your goal, there are a lot of expectations that come with living your “dream life.” After all, you worked so hard to get here, so it’s only natural to feel like you need to make the most out of every moment. You’re in New York for crying out loud!
As a blogger in NYC, I feel like I’m supposed to be constantly exploring the boroughs, curating content, and seeking the best photo spots for Instagram and lookbooks. But the reality is when I come home from work, I need to run whatever errands I have for the day, go to the gym, cook, clean, make tomorrow’s lunch, update my budget sheet with that day’s spendings, and then carve out time to either catch up with friends or just sit still for a moment. I’m still transitioning into this new lifestyle, which means I should not feel so bad for taking time off and not being on my A game. Yet somehow I feel an insane amount of pressure to do ten thousand things each week when I know I cannot. I know that holding myself to a certain lifestyle standard is motivation for me to go out there and experience something new. But sometimes when I put too much pressure on myself, I question who I am living this fast-paced life for.
So with that being said, I have decided I am going to take some time off and figure things out, even if it puts me completely behind my “ideal” blog and life schedule. I think that I’ve been preaching the importance of self-love and mental health to everyone else around me that it’s hypocritical of me to not take my own advice. I’m not sure how long this hiatus will last, for all I know I might be back Monday with a new post! But whether it’s a few days or a week, just know that I’ll be back soon.
If you are also in a rut as well or feeling unnecessary pressure to keep up a certain lifestyle, just remember that no one is asking you to live your life a certain way just because of where you are located. If you are pressuring yourself in an unhealthy manner, don’t be afraid to take a step back. You can’t live your best life if you’re not happy with yourself or taking care of yourself, res chéries!
Thank you all for all the love and support you give me! Until next time, whenever that may be, bisou bisou…